Years ago I had a dream. That I was standing before my creator desperately trying to answer one question. I think it was my version of my judgement day. I heard the statement. “I gave you so much.” Followed by a question that had me squirming in an attempt to formulate an answer. I mean there was no lying here. We are talking the creator who knows everything. I thought of various ways that I could try dodging the answer but hey, again I knew that would be pointless since nothing escapes the Higher Power. Truth be told, I had no an answer. No excuse. Nothing. Which was extremely disturbing for me. The question was a simple one. “Why didn’t you share?” I remember that my thinking propelled itself to material possessions which at the time I didn’t feel was plenty in our lives. Yeah… my husband and I both worked so we could pay our bills. We had a roof over our heads and we were able to put our children in sports. But over and above that it didn’t feel as though we had a lot to spare. But I took my dream very seriously and shortly after that I sponsored a child for an education. My reasoning was that I didn’t have enough to help the whole world, but if I could help one child that over time maybe, that could turn into future generations should these children ever become parents. It gave me a sense of relief. Now I could say that, at least. Still that question would pop up every now and then. Sometimes in a dream (I dream a lot….we will get into that at a later date) and sometimes it would just show up in my head. But I am sharing. I would argue with myself. Aren’t I? I mean, I gave of myself to my children. Tirelessly, I might add. I had volunteered many hours at the school. I had been on the PTA. I worked at fundraising events for the school and sports clubs where ever I could. I gave money to charities whenever asked and I’m on my third child in the sponsorship program. Still, that question would pop up? What am I missing? I would ask my-self over and over. Fast forward to the present which is about twenty years since I had that first dream. I recently had an epiphany regarding that question. You got it, a light bulb went on. I’m really not a slow learner, just very methodical…. We all are given something as we enter this world. Something precious that makes us uniquely us. It is called our imagination. It is our wings. That which makes us soar. Each of us has it…..in abundance. Yet we clip those wings. We clip our own and feel quite free to clip others. Thinking we are doing the right thing….. we call it love and concern. Both areas stem from a fear of failure and criticism. We don’t want to be crushed if we put ourselves out there nor do we want that outcome for our loved ones. It’s called protection. How many times have we had dreams and ideas pop into our heads and then squash them because of fear of failure or criticism from others? What if ten people said what a marvelous idea and one person said it was the stupidest thing they ever heard. Who would you believe? Whose words would ring the truest for you? I know what I did. I believed that one person who said my writing was garbage. He didn’t know it was mine. It was one chapter that I wrote during a writing course that I took twenty five years ago. It entailed a description of a homeless girl who gave birth to a baby in a box. It was to be critiqued by the class. The one man I refer to was a retired police officer for whom it might have brought up an emotional trauma that he may have witnessed in his career. To which, it never even crossed my mind. All I heard was the word ‘garbage’. I just remember being crushed. He didn’t comment on the writing itself. How well or poorly it was written. Just the content. It would have been a first chapter of a second book that I wanted to write. I already had a manuscript of the finished first book. After that man’s comments I burned my manuscript and never looked back. It didn’t matter what anyone else said. Encouraging or not. I buried my love of writing, leaving behind my beloved characters in a forgotten heap. Let’s get one thing straight. This was not that man’s fault…... It…. Was…. On…. Me. My characters however, would still show up every now and then as they floated into my mind and dreams. However, their stories were left untold. I stifled my imagination and carried on. As much as I thought the dream was gone it never left and eventually screamed, stomped and shoved its way forward. (Another story for another time folks….). Hence the birth of “The Blasted Tower.” This week I got the Kirkus review back for my book “The Blasted Tower.” For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a panel of professionals who read thru a new novel to rate it and provide their comments. Book store chains will look to see if there is one listed and use that to decide if they want to stock the book in their stores. A bad review could mean well….you get the picture. The morning that I got the review I got thinking that I hadn’t heard that the review was completed at that point and promptly decided that it didn’t matter what the review came out as. That no matter what, I would continue on with writing. It didn’t matter what anyone said. I felt that strongly about it. If it was garbage then I would use the feedback to make the next one better. I would learn and grow from it. In the review they do a short synopsis of the story and yes they did make a comment regarding an area that I will definitely work to improve upon but here you go. Here is what they said. “A Beautifully written debut about a woman overcoming grief and finding herself.” That is when the epiphany struck and the light bulb went on. It wasn’t about material stuff at all. It was about sharing who I was. My imagination and creatively…..NO MATTER WHAT. To say that when the light bulb went on wasn’t emotional I would be lying. It was. So I ask you….. What is in you to share? Is it a song? Is it a smile? Jokes? Laughter? A genius business mind? A loving nature? A hand of a surgeon? Organizational genius? Art? Whether that art be by brush or by a hoe. What do you have in your abundant imagination to share? If you are already sharing it then, THANK YOU! If not, then start at the top of this blog and ask yourself that same question I got. “Why didn’t you?” But please don’t take twenty five years to figure it out. Find your passion and share it. We are all waiting…. Sincerely, Catti-Ann If you have comments please go to the front page of this website and scroll down till you find my contact me section. I really want to hear from others who are either struggling or have found their niche. Let me know if I can share or use it as examples in my blog.